Almost there!

Everything was perfect yesterday. My appointment was at 10 and I was out of there and in my car by 10:06. She said my levels couldn't have looked better!


When I had my last miscarriage a friend of mine told me to buy a tree. She said it is suppose to help memorialize your baby in a meaningful way. So I did. A lot of women plant the tree but I bought one for the house because I knew that we would be moving. I have had it for almost two years now. Before I left to go to the doctor I looked over and all the leafs where brown and crunchy. Some of the branches on it where mushy. I hadn't noticed it all until yesterday morning. Is that suppose to mean something? I was all worried about it and had to call Jason. First he laughed at me and told me it could be a sign that I don't need it anymore. It just got me to thinking and was on the verge of tears all morning, even cried a few times. I think maybe I was tired and my nerves were taking over. Jason had to go to work at midnight and got home around 4 and I don't sleep when he is not here. When I got pregnant with our other cycle, I knew right away that I was pregnant. I really have no idea this time. I just kept thinking about what we would do if this didn't work. I can't do anymore IVF's. I am just to that point. Our chances of conceiving without help are 5 to 10%. I was thinking about all this stuff and realized that I had to stop. I need to focus on today. Why was I getting all worked up when I was in such a great position. I have a bible that I carry in my car. So I picked it up and prayed. Then flipped through the bible and stopped on a page.
It was Psalm 37 4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I flipped through it again and landed on Peter 5. I smiled because I already knew what I needed to read. Verse 7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.
I want this so bad and I am letting it get the best of me. I know that Jason and I will have more children sometime, one way or another. I know God has a plan for us and even though I don't understand I trust Him with all that I have. In a way I like not knowing just for the simple fact that I don't have someone telling me that I am not pregnant!. Whenever I think about it, my stomach turns and my mind runs crazy. Then my poor dog had an allergic reaction to a shot. She can't hardly move! I feel so sorry for her. I know that I will survive until Monday but my poor tree is a goner! Just 3 more days!!!